Forgiveness and reconciliation as Christians

People don’t understand forgiveness. It is a counter -cultural concepts in our modern times. We are living in a “three strikes and you’re out” and a “zero tolerance” kind of world. Now we know that this is not the standard that the gospel shows us, and so when Christians try and live out the forgiveness of Christ in their daily lives, it can be confusing, unintelligible to others and downright odd.

Forgiveness isn’t a feeling. If you wait until you feel like forgiving someone for a sin against you, I guarantee it will take a very long time and more often than not you will not get there. Many times in talking to folks I have had to prod them a little about the resentments and pain they are carrying and eventually we get to a point where they finally admit they thought they had forgiven, but it didn’t feel like it. They were still angry. They were still upset. They still lived with the emotional scars of the wounds they had received. They didn’t feel like forgiving and that made them decide that they haven’t forgiven.

Forgiveness is a choice. It is an act of the will, which means we are choosing – not based on our emotions – but on the principle that it is a command of Christ. It also happens that forgiving is good for us and allows us to move past the wounds we have received.

But there is so much more to forgiveness than just that act of the will. Forgiveness cannot be rushed, it cannot be imposed, it cannot be expected, it cannot be bought or sold, nor can it be an automatic “get out of trouble free” card. After all of those complications, there is also the matter of the forgiveness we require for ourselves.

In the kingdom of God, forgiveness of sin is assured, but the consequences of sin remain. In the realm of human affairs it is the consequences of sin that make us feel like we can’t forgive. When we have hurt or offended one another, personally, as groups, or even as nations, we must acknowledge that the consequences of sin still hang about us. The wounds and brokenness which sin caused don’t just vanish magically in a puff of forgiving smoke. When we are forgiven, we have to acknowledge the damage we have done, and show some form of repentance for the injuries we have caused. We have to recognize the effects of the consequences of our sin. Those consequences can echo for decades…even hundreds of years.

This is what reconciliation looks like in the Christian context. We must learn to live with the consequences of our sin, and learn that the forgiveness that we seek is a longer process. We must learn to live between the apology and the eventual washing away of the consequences of sin.

Jesus shows us that reconciliation in his conversation with Peter by the sea of Galilee. Remember that Peter had denied Jesus three times. Maybe Peter thought Jesus wasn’t going to bring up the denial on Good Friday. Perhaps Peter thought the glory of the resurrection had wiped all of the brokenness and fear of that night away. But it hadn’t , it still seems awkward with Peter.

“Peter, do you love me?” Jesus asked three times.

“Lord you know I love you” Peter answers. Then he told three times that he must feed the sheep of the church. Care for them and love them.

It wasn’t until Peter had faced his denial and the brokenness of his relationship with Jesus that the consequences of his denial could finally be put to rest. Peter couldn’t avoid it. Peter couldn’t hope it would go away or that Jesus would move on. Peter had to face it. Peter had to reconcile with Jesus…not because Jesus needed it, but because Peter did.

Peter couldn’t become who Jesus needed him to become until he had faced not only the sin of his denial, but the consequences of his denial as well. It took some time too, but in the end, Peter became the fearless apostle that lay down his life for the flock. Peter became the one with the faith to see the Kingdom beyond Galilee, beyond Ceasar, and beyond even his own time. It is on that rock of faith that we continue to build the church. but it takes time.